perdu

Sort of came to a realization today that i've lost my focus.  I've taken a really strange detour in my life and found ways to convince myself that this was my aim and that i'm content with the way i'm living.  i've become exceptional at lying to myself and it's really not what i want.  i have a lot of potential that i'm just letting go to waste.  i'm disgusted with how lazy and self indulgent i have become.  something needs to change.  fuck heartbreak, fuck bad times, fuck disadvantage.  i can't blame this on anyone but myself.